Don't You Know Who I Am? Read online

  “Do you have a few minutes, or are you still at work?”

  “I’m just getting home. Is everything okay?”

  “Yes, fine, I mean more than fine. I wanted to tell you Bradley proposed and I said yes.”

  I was silent for a moment as a deep sadness fell over me. I firmly told myself I was happy for her. Bradley was everything my parents wanted for her. They were all lawyers in his family, so he came from money. He’d finished law school last year and worked for his father’s firm.

  “That’s great, Dawn. Congratulations.”

  “Do you really mean that?”

  “Of course I do. Why would you think otherwise?”

  “Sis, don’t get mad, but you’ve never recovered from losing Javier. You didn’t share all the details of your relationship, but I know how much you loved him.”

  I took a deep breath, slightly shocked she’d mentioned his name. We never talked about what happened six years ago, or what I felt for Javier. She’d barely started speaking to me a couple years ago, but I knew she still bore a grudge because she was shipped off to boarding school.

  “I lost the man I loved, but that doesn’t inhibit my ability to be happy for you. You deserve someone who loves you. When is the big day?”

  “New Year’s Eve.”

  Now, it felt like she’d stuck a stake in me. New Year’s was the hardest holiday for me to get through. Did my sister really plan on getting married then? Did my entire family hate me or did they just enjoy torturing me?

  “Kayla? Are you there?”

  “Yes, I am.”

  “I want you to be my maid of honor, Kayla.”

  Now, I wanted to slit my wrists. I’d have to endure my parents and be in my sister’s wedding on New Year’s Eve? I had to move up my next shrink appointment to deal with this family drama. I needed a prescription for medication, or I’d run screaming into the desert.

  “I’d be honored.” I hoped that sounded halfway sincere.

  “Really?”

  “Of course.”

  “I’ll fly to Phoenix to shop for dresses if you want.”

  “Whatever is good for you.”

  “Maybe, if I come out we could drive to Nogales together. Some closure would be good.”

  I couldn’t speak. Why did she want closure now? It’d been six years. “I don’t need to go there.”

  “I know what you are thinking, Kayla, but Dad’s not the boss of me anymore. I’m done with school. I may not have a job yet, but he can’t control me with his money any longer. I want to shop with you.”

  “Lying got me into trouble once, Dawn.”

  We were both silent for several minutes. Then, I said. “Really, I’m happy for both you and Bradley. Congratulations.”

  “Thank you. Let me know what you decide about shopping.”

  “I will.”

  “Bye.”

  I hung up the phone and stood there, torn between trying not to cry and not throwing a major tantrum. Trying not to let all of those old feelings come back to the surface. I poured a glass of Chardonnay and sat down in the living room. I turned on the stereo and chose the Latin Music station on satellite. I sipped my wine and thought about the New Year’s I spent with Javier.

  ~ ~ ~

  When I walked into my office the next day, Rafael gasped in horror. “My goodness, Sunshine, what happened to you? You look like hell.”

  “Thank you, Rafael. I feel that way too.”

  He handed me coffee and closed the door to the office. He sat down in front of my desk. “Out with it.”

  “My sister is getting married.”

  “Well, at least someone in your family is active.”

  “On New Year’s Eve,” I finished in a monotone.

  “You’re kidding. Is that some kind of bad joke?” He was one of the few people who knew everything. We spent a long night drinking last New Year’s and I spilled the entire story to him. He held me all night as I cried and drank, and drank and cried.

  “She asked me to be her maid of honor and then offered to come here to look for dresses.”

  “Not necessary. Antonio will design your dress.”

  “Then, she offered to drive to Nogales with me for closure.”

  “Was it ‘pick on Kayla night’ or something else? It’s a little late for that, isn’t it? Didn’t this happen your senior year in high school?”

  I nodded.

  “Honey, I’m here for you. What did you say to her?”

  “I told her that I’d be her maid of honor and I’d think about the dress shopping.”

  Rafael gave a heavy sigh. “Well, if she comes here, you can avoid your shitty parents until the big day.”

  I laughed a little.

  “Why doesn’t she shop with your mother for her dress there? They can tell you what color she wants you to wear. Antonio will design your dress and you won’t even see any of them before Christmas.”

  “Would he mind taking that on for me?”

  “Oh honey, I will make it worth his while, trust me.”

  Chapter 19

  I worked diligently all week on my proposal. Compared to anything we had currently in the Phoenix area, it turned out very classy and totally unique. The offices were the most fun for me to design. I decided on dark leather furniture and cherry wood for the desks, wet bar, and shelving.

  I carved out a little bit of square footage from the two executive offices and made a boardroom. Big deals and meetings with multiple people required a separate place to meet with a long oval table. We’d add electronic screens and audio for presentations. The table would be a mahogany color surrounded by contemporary high-back chairs.

  Windows needed electronic rollaway shades in order to darken the room or leave natural light. My portion of the project completed, I decided to call it a night. Tomorrow, Steven would be here. We’d review the specs and agree to the presentation and timeline. I thought he’d like the final product.

  I wasn’t home more than twenty minutes when my mother called. Maybe, I should let her leave a message and call her back. I really didn't want to talk about the wedding or anything else right now. Avoiding her wouldn’t work. She’d just keep calling until we spoke.

  I decided to get it over with and picked up the phone. “Hi, Mom.”

  “Did I catch you at a bad time?”

  What is a bad time to her? I took a deep breath, sat down on the couch, and lied. “Not at all, Mom. I was just fixing dinner.”

  “Oh, good. Dawn told me that she called and asked you to be in the wedding.”

  “Yes, she did.”

  “Are you bringing someone with you?”

  What? Did she really just ask me that? Why would she care if I was going to bring anyone to my sister’s wedding? I kept quiet a little too long.

  “I mean, if you were, we’d make them part of the wedding party as well, that’s why I asked.”

  “No,” I said, short and a little snippy. “I won’t bring anyone with me. She can pick whoever she wants to be in the wedding.”

  My mother went silent. “Okay, honey. Don’t you think six years is a bit long to carry the torch for a dead man? You need to stop feeling sorry for yourself. Now, I know Dawn just asked you about the wedding a few days ago, but four months isn’t much time to pull all this together. Do you mind if I give her a bridal shower on your behalf?”

  “Go ahead, Mom. She’d rather have you hostess one for her anyway. I am sure you know what her tastes are and what would be suitable in front of the new in-laws.”

  “I think so too. You’ve been away for quite some time. Would it be best to have you order your dress in Phoenix since it takes almost three months to get them into the store here?”

  “Actually, I have
a friend who is a fashion designer. He’ll make a dress for me. All we’d need is for her to pick the color and give us an idea of what style she has in mind and he’ll create an original.”

  “That sounds lovely. I'll talk to her about it. Will you come for Christmas and stay through the wedding?”

  I hadn’t given any thought to that. Normally, they didn’t invite me for the holiday and I didn’t go there anymore. I usually stayed and worked at Studio G. “I’ll let you know.”

  “Okay, honey. Well, I’ll let you go. I love you, Kayla.”

  Did she really love me? Considering how little we talked, much less saw each other, I tended to doubt it. I hoped I sounded sincere when I said, “Yeah, okay. I love you too, Mom.”

  The next four months would be brutal with this wedding looming on my calendar. I got up off the couch and went to the jewelry box in my bedroom. I opened it and looked at my ruby ring and twist-tie engagement ring.

  I pulled them out and put them on. ‘Nonsense, you are marrying me.’ For a few moments, I dreamed about being Javier’s wife, and having his children. I imagined what my dress would have looked like and who’d be in the wedding. I thought about the church, the flowers, the lasso, and the coins. I took off the rings and put them back into the jewelry box.

  This isn’t healthy. I’m stronger than this. I went into the kitchen and prepared a lame, chicken salad for one for dinner. Like so many times before.

  ~ ~ ~

  The next morning I stood in front of my closet lamenting what to wear yet again. Steven was meeting me at three. Why did it matter? Maybe, I cared more about what he thought than I liked to admit. I chose a navy dress with a ruffle that ran diagonal from one shoulder across the front to the opposing side ending at the waist. It was tasteful and a little sexy. I grabbed my matching strappy shoes and finished getting ready.

  When I walked into the office, Rafael whistled. “Well, well, well, sexy mama. I guess your battery-operated boyfriend is getting old, because you’re definitely dressed to impress.”

  “Have you been going through my bathroom drawers again?” Rafael laughed. “I’m just glad the need to have an orgasm hasn’t left you. I’m so looking forward to our three o’clock meeting.”

  “Stop it. My dress has nothing to do with the three o’clock meeting.”

  “Liar.” Rafael strutted away.

  “Hey, Rafael, will Antonio still make me a dress for my sister’s wedding? My mother and I talked last night. She thinks it’s a good idea since we only have four months until the wedding.”

  “Of course, sweet thing. Now, that I’ve seen you in navy blue, I’m seriously hoping she picks that color.”

  “Thanks, lovey. I knew you wouldn’t let me down.”

  The next several hours, Rafael and I worked on another project for a new builder. We’d be bidding against three other design firms in hopes of being the ones to decorate the model homes. Things were really coming together, when I looked up at the clock.

  “Oh crap, time got away from me. It’s a quarter to three already. Let’s put this away and review the showroom plans.”

  “Well, I for one am glad. I’ve been waiting to see this hunk of burning love for a week now.”

  “Oh God, Rafael, please don’t say that to him.”

  “I’ll keep it to myself unless you decide to cut him loose, then I am moving in.”

  “What about Antonio?”

  “He’ll never know.”

  We both snickered. Rafael was totally committed to Antonio and cheating would never happen.

  Steven arrived right on time. Our receptionist buzzed the office and Rafael went out front to greet him. They came back a few minutes later. Rafael knocked on my door and opened it. “Kayla, Steven Holt is here.”

  I came over to the door and shook his hand since Rafael was still standing there. “It’s nice to see you again, Steven. Please come in. Can I offer you something to drink?”

  “Water would be great.”

  I looked at Rafael to make sure he’d heard the request. He turned to get the requested water. He stopped and mouthed the words ‘Oh my god, he is hot’ behind Steven’s back. I tried not to laugh and smiled as Rafael exited.

  “You look lovely, Kayla.”

  “Thank you.” I immediately changed the subject. “I made a slight change in our plans and I’m hoping you won’t mind.”

  “Did you now? Well, let’s take a look.”

  We walked over to my drafting table and pulled up two chairs. We went over the design and architectural plans. Rafael brought us water, then left us to finish our work. After three hours we’d agreed on a final product and set a time-line for construction.

  “All that’s left is to pitch the project.” Steven took a long drink of water.

  “Do you have all the construction quotes back already?”

  “I'm still waiting on a couple, but I think my estimates are accurate and can be met.”

  “How do you want to pitch? Do you want to present the core design and I will finish with the interior touches?”

  “I think you should pitch it all and I’ll be there to answer building questions.”

  “What? Why? Why wouldn’t you want to do part of the sell?”

  Steven leaned very close to me. “Because whether you believe it or not, you’re one of the best designers in the city. You should pitch this project because you have all the tools it takes to convince them that we’re the project team they want, and you’re better looking than me.”

  “You think I am better looking than you?” I smiled, inches from his face.

  Steven laughed, but never moved away. “Most definitely. Let’s have dinner and celebrate.”

  “Shouldn’t we celebrate after we land the deal?”

  “We’ll celebrate then too. Come on, it'll be fun.”

  I thought for a minute. The last time I agreed to have dinner with Steven I ended up in bed with him, and not because I wanted to but because I thought it was what I needed to do. I should accept the fact Javier was gone, and not feel guilty about being with someone else. “Okay. Let’s go.”

  We walked out of the office together and I told Rafael to have a nice weekend. We decided to drop off my car at my condo and Steven drove from there to Fogo de Chão in Scottsdale.

  He ordered us a nice bottle of wine to go with our entrees and we chatted about his involvement in the community. When the wine arrived, he held up his glass and touched it to mine. “A toast to our new adventure.”

  “Cheers.” The wine was excellent and I began to relax after I had a few sips.

  “So how long have you been with Studio G?”

  “Since I graduated. I did an internship with them my senior year. How about you? How long have you been with HWP?”

  “I'm a partner, the H is for Holt. The W and the P are for my partners William and Philip. We started the company right out of school. Apparently, we had a knack for undercutting our competitors and things just took off.”

  “Wow, that’s impressive, Steven. I always knew you’d do great things.”

  “Did you?”

  I smiled, “Of course. Do you question my faith in your abilities?”

  “My abilities weren’t enough to keep you with me, so yes.”

  I felt a little sad that I’d hurt him. “I had a lot of baggage back then.”

  He nodded considering my response. “And now?”

  “Now, I’m ready to put it away.”

  He grinned at that. “I’m glad to hear it.”

  We finished dinner and then Steven drove me to my place. He pulled into the garage and parked, so he could come around and open my door.

  “I'll walk you up and make sure you get in okay.”

  I didn’t stop him as he followe
d me into the elevator. Upstairs, I unlocked the door to my condo.

  “Good night, Kayla. Thank you for coming to dinner with me.”

  I turned and looked at Steven. “Thank you for inviting me.”

  He stepped toward me cautiously as if to see if I’d dart into the condo. I must have really scarred this man. He leaned toward me slowly and kissed me gently. For the first time since Javier’s death, I decided to enjoy this. I kissed him back slowly, cautiously.

  I reached behind me and opened the door. Steven followed me. I really didn’t know what to do next and thankfully Steven took the lead. He kissed me again, so tender and gentle that I could’ve melted in his arms. I stepped in closer to him and let my arms reach around his waist.

  He pulled me nearer, never stopping the kiss as his other hand slid into my hair. He picked me up with just one arm and whispered into my ear. “Where to, sweetheart?”

  “My room.” I pointed in the general direction he should take me. A smile swept across my face now cradled to his neck. I gave it a soft kiss, letting my tongue run up to his earlobe.

  He swept me up with the other arm and carried me to my room. He slowly lowered me down until I stood in front of him. His hands cradled my face, drawing my lips back to him.

  I was lost in his sensual kiss. His hand slowly trailed down the front of me, his thumb circling my nipple through my dress. I pressed against him letting him know I wanted more. His kiss moved to the curve of my neck as he slowly unzipped my dress allowing it to pool at my feel on the floor. For the first time since Javier I was aroused, standing before Steven in satin string panties and sheer bra.

  His hands were gentle as they came around to caress my nipples. He lowered his mouth to let his tongue run over the thin material. I gripped his strong shoulders as I arched back.

  His tongue traced a line between my breasts and back to my neck. I felt his strong arms wrap around me, lifting me up and onto the bed. I kicked off my heels and reached for his shirt pulling him closer to me as I quickly unfastened the buttons. His mouth came down on mine with ferocity and I slid my hands across his chest probing every ridge, wanting his skin against mine.