Don't You Know Who I Am? Read online

  “I have notes about those conversations.”

  “I couldn’t do it anymore. I couldn’t force myself to be with Steven when I really didn’t care about him.”

  “And now?”

  “And now, I don’t know. I finally told myself that Javier was dead and that I shouldn't feel guilty for moving on. I finally allowed someone to touch me without cringing. I finally felt happy.”

  “And you don’t think you can still feel happy?”

  “I don’t know. I don’t know what I feel right now, but I don’t want to hurt Steven either.”

  “Then, you need to be honest with him.”

  “How? What do I say about this mess?”

  “Tell him about your relationship with Javier before the accident. Tell him about the accident and then explain what happened today.”

  “What if it’s too much and he walks away?”

  Dr. White leaned forward and looked me in the eyes. “Life without chances isn’t a life at all. Sometimes we feel good and sometimes we don’t, but it’s the ability to go on that matters. Hiding is just self-inflicted seclusion. Isn’t that what your parents already provided for you?”

  I thought for a long moment.

  “If I allow you to be discharged today, I’d prefer it if you weren’t alone. Do you have someone who can stay with you?”

  “Rafael and Antonio.”

  “Okay. I am going to write a very small prescription for a sedative. I want to see you in my office every day until you’re through this period of crisis.”

  “Okay. Thank you.”

  ~ ~ ~

  An hour later, I was discharged. Rafael and Antonio drove me to my condo to pack some things. I listened to my messages before we left. Two from Steven and one from Javier. The two from Steven were frantic and begged me to call him as soon as I was home.

  The one from Javier was more chilling. It simply stated he hoped I was feeling better. How strange. He didn’t seem to be at all surprised to see me. Not like I was when I saw him. Why? How did he get my number?

  I sat down and decided to call Steven while I was here. I grabbed a box of tissues knowing that this conversation was going to be hard.

  “Hello?”

  “It’s me.”

  “My God, Kayla, are you okay?”

  “I'm doing better. I'm sorry about today.”

  “What happened? Are you sick?”

  “I have to tell you some things about me, Steven. Things I should have told you a long time ago.”

  He was very quiet before he said, “Okay, I'm listening.”

  “When I was in high school I had a boyfriend. Because my parents were so strict, I’d sneak around to see him. He was my first. My only before you.”

  “Honey, people have previous relationships. It’s a normal part of life.”

  “Not for me. Not in my family. But, he was special so I broke their rules. We went to the mountains over New Year’s to ski with some friends. My parents thought I was there with my girlfriend and her family, but I wasn’t.”

  “What happened?”

  “We had a car accident in a snowstorm on the way home. I woke up in the hospital and they told me my boyfriend died. I had a lot of injuries and stayed in the hospital for weeks before being moved to a rehab facility to recover from my spinal fractures. My parents completely lost it. They took away my phone, blocked my computer and sent my sister to boarding school back East on the spot.”

  “That’s terrible.”

  “It’s not all. While I did rehab, I finished high school online and then they enrolled me at ASU. I was in no position to argue. It’s taken years for me to recover. I’ve been under the care of a psychiatrist ever since the accident.”

  “I can’t imagine going through what you did.”

  “You were the first person that I dated after high school. Obviously in college, I wasn’t ready for us to have a relationship. When we met again, I’d finally moved past the grief, I was ready to live my own life with you.”

  “I still don’t understand how this caused what happened today.”

  “Today when we were at JVF, my dead boyfriend walked in and shook my hand.”

  Rafael walked over to me and rubbed my shoulders.

  Steven didn’t speak for a moment. “How are you doing?”

  “Not good, Steven. I need to understand why I was told he was dead. Why was I there today? Why wasn’t he surprised to see me? Seeing him today opened up all the pain, all the guilt I felt over his death.”

  “Are you alone?”

  “No, I’m going to stay with Rafael and Antonio tonight.”

  “Can I call you?”

  I sniffled. “I’d like that.”

  “Do you need me to do anything?”

  “Not right now, but thank you, Steven.”

  “It’s going to be okay, Kayla. I promise.”

  “I hope you’re right. Bye for now.”

  “Bye for now.”

  I hung up, put my head in my hands and sobbed.

  “What did he say, Sunshine?” Rafael stroked my hair.

  “He was Steven, always sweet, always understanding and always kind.”

  “This is good, right? He didn’t run in the other direction.”

  “I know, but I’m hurting him again.”

  “I know, sweetie. You’re hurting too and he needed to know. If you're going to be together, he must know all about you.”

  Chapter 22

  When I woke the next day, I lay in bed not wanting to face my life.

  Rafael walked in with a cup of coffee. “Rise and shine, sweetheart. It’s time to face your demons.”

  I pushed myself up in bed and took the mug. “You do have a way with words, Rafael.”

  “Just calling it like I see it. I’ve already contacted the office and blocked your schedule for the rest of the week. Antonio and I picked up your car yesterday while you were in a drug-induced sleep.”

  “Thank you.”

  “Come on, down the hatch with the coffee.”

  “What’s the rush?”

  “You have an appointment to meet with Javier Fuentes.”

  “What? No! I’m not ready to see him!”

  “No time like the present, Sunshine. Get up and get in the shower. Antonio went to your place and picked out your outfit.”

  “Rafael, I need to see Dr. White again before I face Javier.”

  “We’ll see Dr. White after you meet with Mr. Fuentes. Don’t worry. I’ll be in the lobby waiting for you.”

  “I’m meeting him at his office? Why there? Why not somewhere neutral?”

  “Well, apparently he’s a busy man and couldn’t get away.”

  I forced myself up and to the shower. Antonio had picked out a pair of cream-colored slacks and a red silk blouse for me to wear. Interesting choices since red was a power color of strength and love.

  When I came out of the bathroom, Rafael and Antonio went to work at making me look presentable. Antonio iced down my eyes since they were so puffy from crying. Rafael blow-dried my hair and loosely curled it. I applied my own makeup under his direction because he wasn’t letting me out of the house until I looked appropriate. When I was done, I was my old self again, well at least physically.

  I thought I’d be ill on the drive back to JVF Automotive’s corporate offices. What was I going to say? More importantly, what was he going to say?

  Rafael’s chatter broke through my thoughts. “Now, listen to me. I’ll be right outside in the lobby. If you need me, you call, or come out there.”

  “Okay.”

  “Remember, you’ve not done anything wrong in this scenario. He needs to hear that clearly, Kayla. If you don’t say anything els
e, make sure he hears that.”

  “Okay.”

  “And try not to faint today.”

  “Okay.”

  We pulled into the parking garage and I remembered yesterday. When I’d parked here, I’d no clue of what was to come. I got out of the car and followed Rafael into the building. He let the receptionist know we’d arrived. I sat down in a chair and waited to be called. My heart raced and I’d never been so scared. I heard my name and followed the young woman to an office door.

  When I walked in, I took in a deep breath. He stood behind a desk staring back at me. He was still every bit as gorgeous as he was in high school, but with more sophistication and confidence. He wore an expensive, perfectly tailored suit that matched his superbly combed, gentleman’s cut hair and dark eyes. Although he was still the most handsome man I’d ever seen, his features looked harder.

  He didn’t come around the desk to greet me. He extended a hand toward a chair in front of his desk. “Miss Johnson, please come in and sit.”

  ‘Miss Johnson? Come in and sit?’

  Not exactly the reunion I envisioned. Feeling a little annoyed, my own confidence returned. I walked over to the chair that he pointed at, but chose not to sit and remained standing. I stood, looked at him for a long moment and he looked back. Neither of us spoke for several moments.

  “Would you like to sit?” he finally asked.

  “Not really, thank you.”

  He raised an eyebrow and smirked.

  What was so funny? My irritation rose.

  “What brings you here today?”

  “I might ask you the same thing, Mr. Fuentes.”

  “I’m sorry. I don’t understand.”

  “Neither do I.”

  “Miss Johnson, you’re going to need to be more specific.” I felt my annoyance building. “I’d be happy to. When did you rise from the dead? Is that specific enough for you?”

  Both eyebrows lifted. “Rise from the dead? I assure you I possess no such power to do so.”

  “I find that quite interesting. I was told six years ago that you didn’t survive the accident.” There I said it. The words were out.

  “And you believed it? Just like that? With no proof, no closure, just ‘Okay, he is dead’?”

  “How can you say that?” My lips trembled. “I was eighteen years old and in a hospital bed for weeks before starting physical rehabilitation. My parents cut off all forms of communication, no phones, limited computer use and no transportation. They shipped my sister off to a boarding school back East. I never heard from anyone again. Not Ricardo, not Veronica, no one. Everyone disappeared. I thought they blamed me for your death.”

  He stared at me without any change in his expression or demeanor. He was mad at me, but I couldn’t figure out why. Didn’t he hear me?

  “Is that how you see it, Miss Johnson?”

  “What do you mean? Didn’t you hear what I told you?”

  He came around the desk and stood very close to me, his face angry. “Well, let me tell you how it really was. I clearly am not dead nor was I ever dead.”

  “I can see that.”

  His eyes narrowed. “I was in the hospital when your father paid a visit to my father. He told him that because of his ‘wetback’ son, his daughter was seriously injured and fighting for her life. He was adamant that I must have taught you how to lie and sneak around because after all I am just the son of a car dealer on the border.”

  My mind reeled as I thought back to some of the comments my dad made in the past. To be careful and ‘stick to my own kind’ and ‘you know how those people can be’. I shook my head not wanting to believe what Javier was saying to me. “No.” I said barely more than a whisper.

  “Oh yes, my darling, yes. Your precious father is a racist bigot.”

  “That can’t be true.”

  “I assure you it is. Ask him. See what he has to say for himself.”

  “Why didn’t you find me when you were out of the hospital? Even if my father was saying these things you knew that I didn’t feel that way. You said you loved me. You said we’d be together!”

  “After I was well enough to leave the hospital, I went to live with my tío in Mexico City. I finished high school there. My parents didn’t let me come back to the U.S. because they didn’t want to risk me going after you. They told me it’d never work with the family you’re from. They felt your father was a loose cannon and decided to protect me from that level of hate. I finished college there.”

  “I didn’t know,” I said softly.

  “So, you stated already.”

  “Why didn’t Veronica or Ricardo tell me? Why didn’t anyone try to contact me? Isn’t it obvious I wouldn’t have agreed to any such thing?”

  “Well it’s like you said, darlin’, you were cut off from the world. Nobody could find you or contact you. We assumed you’d agreed with the venom your father spewed since you never reached out.”

  “How could you ever think that?” My voice was almost a whisper. “After the time we’d just spent together? After the things we promised each other?”

  He looked down and turned and walked away from me. “It was a long time ago. A lot has happened. A lot has changed.”

  “That’s not what I asked you. I meant then. Then!” I raised my voice. “How could you think that then?”

  He spun around when I yelled at him, his eyes on fire. “I didn’t know what to think, Kayla! You disappeared and I was held hostage in Mexico!”

  A tear rolled down my cheek, infuriating me. Why give into this emotion? “Me being here yesterday was no accident, was it?”

  “No.” Javier stared out the window, his back to me.

  “Why? Why like that?”

  “Like what?”

  “Why did you hire my firm and bring me here?”

  “Your firm is the best in the city. I’ve a job to do and I hired them. It wasn’t until after I saw who the people were on the project that I realized it was you. I didn’t stop it. I wanted to hurt you for the pain I’ve suffered.”

  He wanted to hurt me. I shook my head, totally shocked and bewildered. All these years, I’d wished things could be different, that I had him with me and all he could think about was how to hurt me. “I mourned you every day for six years.”

  “Oh, I don’t know about that. I think you and Steven are working out nicely.”

  That was like a slap in the face. “How do you know about Steven?”

  “I know a lot of things, darlin’.”

  “Steven was the first. I mean he was the only. I haven’t been able to be with anyone because I couldn’t accept losing you. When I was finally able to come to terms with your death, I started dating Steven.” I looked down at the floor, feeling ashamed for being caught with another man. “And now here you are.”

  “Here I am. Alive and well.”

  We were silent, not sure where to go from here.

  “I’ll remove myself from the showroom project.”

  “If you do that, we’ll drop the contract.”

  “Why? It's obvious you only brought me here to hurt me. Mission accomplished, Mr. Fuentes. There’s other talent at the firm that can handle this project.”

  “I didn’t hire the other talent. I hired you.”

  I turned and started walking toward the door.

  “Where are you going, Miss Johnson?”

  “To work. I have a job to do for a tyrant.”

  Rafael jumped up and followed me out of the building. “Honey, are you okay? I heard shouting.”

  “He’s a son of a bitch!”

  “Well, glad to see you back to normal.” Rafael followed me to the car. He got behind the wheel, since I’d already thrown myself into the passenger seat.

 
“Where to?”

  “My shrink.”

  Rafael started driving.

  “That bastard thinks I’m the one who had him sent to Mexico for all of these years. He said my father threw racial slurs at his family and blamed Javier for us sneaking around and then getting into the accident! Can you believe that shit?”

  “Your dad doesn’t like Latinos?”

  “Apparently not. You should have heard the words he used. I didn’t want to believe it but I know it’s true. He isn’t lying. Javier believes that since I never made contact with any of them, I must have agreed with my dad! Can you believe that crap? I told him it isn’t true. I thought he was dead. How could he believe that after the promises we made to each other? He even throws out that I’m doing pretty well with Steven! Javier knows about us! How? Why?”

  “Wow. No wonder there was yelling.”

  “Then, when I tell him I’m removing myself from the showroom project, he informs me that if I do, he’ll cancel the contract! He insists I head up this project.”

  “Why?”

  “I’ve no idea.”

  Chapter 23

  We pulled into Dr. White’s office and I spent the next two hours going over my conversation with Javier in detail. We agreed that the next step was to confront my father. I was exhausted and really wanted to just take a sedative and go back to bed.

  Rafael drove me home. While I sat silently in the car, my mind wandered back to six short years ago. Javier and I were kids in school, planning our future together. The world was ours for the taking. We’re both only 24 years old now and it seemed like a lifetime of wounds had pierced us both.

  “When are we confronting the father figure?” Rafael broke into my thoughts.

  “In the morning. I am too exhausted to tackle that today.”

  “Very well. Tomorrow it is, Sunshine.”

  When we arrived at Rafael’s, I phoned Steven. We only made small talk. I didn’t want to tell him yet that Javier knew about us and we were hand-picked for this project. I just wanted to get the confrontation with my dad done and out of the way. What could he possibly say at this juncture?