Don't You Know Who I Am? Read online

  It was so long ago, but it seemed like only yesterday as I stood and faced the backdrop of what turned out to be several years of pain and sadness. I returned to my vehicle and drove up the canyon. I took it slow and let people pass me rather than giving into their pressure to move faster.

  It was almost two more hours before I reached the cabin. I was surprised my navigation brought me all the way here with no issues or wrong turns. Remembering the excitement of the first time I came here, I walked up to the door and unlocked it.

  When I opened it, I noticed sheets covered all the furniture. They obviously didn’t use this place very often anymore. I started pulling off the sheets and folding them. I unloaded my suitcase and the groceries that I stopped to get at the market on the way.

  I stood at the doorway of the bedroom with my bags and the memory of Javier and I exchanging rings in this room came flooding back. I touched my necklace, a gold chain. I’d placed the ruby ring and my twist tie ring on it before I left home. I took a deep breath, walked in, and started unpacking.

  It was late by the time I went to the kitchen and made myself a turkey and ham sandwich. I didn’t feel like cooking and this would do for tonight. I flipped open my laptop and worked for a few hours before going to bed. I checked my emails and sent one to Rafael assuring him I was okay. I just needed a little time alone.

  ~ ~ ~

  I felt refreshed the next morning. I’d slept in, then lounged around in my pajamas for hours before I showered. I pulled out my favorite faded blue jeans and a peach knitted sweater. I took the time to do my hair with long loose curls and put on some make-up.

  I studied my appearance in the mirror. Although so much time had passed, I still looked like the girl I was in high school. My light eyes and honey colored hair hadn’t changed. My face had thinned over time but I still had the same fair skin that was smooth and youthful. Despite the stress and long hours of work over the last several years it didn’t show on my face.

  I retreated to the living room, and turned on some light jazz music before opening my computer. I needed to catch up with my work so I didn’t get fired and make a bigger mess of my life. The creative juices flowed as I pushed through my newest project.

  Someone knocked on the door. Who was it? Nobody knew I’d come here. Taking a deep breath, I stood and went to investigate.

  My heart raced and I felt a little apprehensive. I peeked out the window but I couldn’t see who was at the door. The knock came again. I guess they aren’t going to go away. I cracked the door slightly and then opened it when I saw Javier standing there.

  He wore jeans, driving shoes and a button-up oxford with the sleeves rolled up slightly, just like the first time I saw him. He stood there with one hand in his pocket and a grin on his face. “Can I come in?”

  “Oh, yeah, of course. It’s your place after all.” I stepped back to open the door wider and stand out of the way for him to enter. So, this was where my vacation ended. He’ll tell me to get out. I closed the door behind him and turned to see him staring at me.

  “How’s the mountain treating you so far?”

  “Good. Relaxing.”

  “Did you find what you were looking for?”

  “I don’t know what you mean.”

  Is this where he chastises me for going to see his parents and then coming to their cabin?

  He stepped closer to me, but I didn’t make eye contact. I looked down at his hand and noticed the ring I had given him on his pinky. I looked up at him. Why is he wearing it?

  He reached up and took the rings on my chain into his hand. “You still have the twist-tie ring?”

  I smirked at him. “Of course, that was my engagement ring.”

  His grin was a little bigger now as he held them for a moment more. He set them down and then ran a finger down the front of me and hooked his finger at the top of my jeans.

  “I’m sorry.”

  I looked down at his hand and felt the same goosebumps I felt the first time he touched me in his uncle’s game room. I looked back up at him. My voice was almost a whisper because being that close to him sucked the air out of me. I found it hard to breathe normally. “Sorry for what?”

  “For being mad at what you had no knowledge or control over. For being mad you weren’t with me. For not being able to push you away once I found you.”

  “Is that why you want to push me away? Because you didn’t need to come all of the way up here to tell me that. I already picked up on it.”

  “Stop talking.” His lips came down on mine.

  At that moment, I remembered the deep woodsy smell of his cologne, how soft his lips felt on mine, and how I shuddered when he touched me. I realized it was real. We were young, but we really did love each other. We could have had the forever fairytale I used to dream about. He was my prince, my friend, and the love of my life.

  He kissed me slowly and tenderly, like he was drinking in every moment. His hand came up behind my head and his fingers entwined in my hair. He stopped and rested his forehead on mine, neither of us able to catch our breath.

  I closed my eyes and we stood there together. “I can’t survive losing you twice, Javier, so if this is just a game or another way of hurting me, please leave me alone."

  Chapter 26

  He lifted his head from mine, looking at me like I had just slapped him. “You think I’d drive up here to lead you on and then break your heart?”

  “I don’t know what to think, Javier.” My eyes filled with tears. “It’s not like our reunion was filled with romantic fireworks. I don’t think I need to rehash our conversations over the past few weeks, do I?”

  He looked at me with a slight furrow between his brows. I didn’t recall seeing that look before. I guess we didn’t fight before. We never even argued, not really.

  “Romantic fireworks?”

  I rolled my eyes. “You know what I mean.”

  He grinned a little and I saw the wheels in that good-looking head turning. He walked over to the iPod and changed it over to Latin Radio. He came back to me. Before I could ask him what he was doing, he pulled me close and started dancing with me.

  I remembered what he’d told me a long time ago, ‘just hold on tight and follow my lead.’ If life were only that easy and I only needed to hang on tight for everything to be okay.

  “Javier, I haven’t done this in a long time. I don’t remember how to do this.”

  He didn’t answer. We spun around the living area of the cabin. We danced several songs before he stopped and looked down at me. We were both out of breath and he kissed me again, this time with urgency, with all of the emotion of the love that had been bottled up and waiting to be let out.

  I kissed him back feeling the same want and emotion, but still afraid of the pain he could cause. We didn’t stop when he guided me backwards, still kissing me deeply as we entered the bedroom.

  He pulled away and our gazes locked. The raw emotion between us was palpable but we didn’t speak, we didn’t need to.

  “Kayla. I don’t want to hurt you ever. I knew the minute I saw you again that I really did love you. Even pissed off and angry I couldn’t make what I feel for you stop. I miss you. I meant what I said to you when we were in this very cabin six years ago.”

  I stood quietly looking into his eyes, trying to be certain that what he was saying to me was real.

  “You know the day I went back to your office to confront you?”

  He grinned. “Oh yeah, how could I forget? Your eyes were on fire and you looked like you wanted to hurt me.”

  I smiled a little at his take of the confrontation. “You reminded me of the cocky boy that got himself clocked in the head with the flashlight from the border patrol agent. Do you remember that?”

  “How could I forget?”

  �
�I didn’t understand your behavior then and didn’t understand it in the office that day either. How do I know that isn’t the real you, what you have become?”

  Javier looked pained for a moment as he thought about what I just said. He pushed his hand through his hair.

  “Cariña, I suspect if I ever act like a cocky son of bitch again, you will promptly kick my ass.”

  We both started laughing knowing that I would indeed call him out and do just that.

  “I am a better person with you in my life. You’re right. I can be a jerk and pick fights, but not when I am with you. You make me whole. You make me happy and I don’t feel that anger.”

  Our eyes locked again and I felt it all flooding back to me. My intense love for this man. My hopes and dreams of the two of us together, with him at my side.

  “Please give us a chance.” Javier’s hand came up behind my head, pulling me to his lips.

  The intensity of his kiss desperately reeled me in. His taste on my lips was intoxicating. I wanted him with me. I slid my hands under his arms and wrapped them around his waist.

  He pulled away and trailed his lips to my earlobe lightly nipping it with his teeth. A shiver came over me and I heard him whisper in my ear.

  “I want to make love to you, Kayla.”

  My head rested on his chest and he trailed kisses down my neck. I pulled the button of his jeans open and slid the zipper down. I felt him nip my collarbone and excitement filled me. God, that was hot.

  His hands gently slid under my sweater pulling it up and over my head. He gripped the top of my jeans with one finger pulling the button loose. Slowly sliding them down, I kicked them to the side.

  Looking at me in my peach lacy bra and matching string panties with tied bows on the sides, he softly said, “My God, you’re beautiful.”

  I reached for him, unbuttoning his shirt and sliding it off onto the floor. I slid my hands over his chest and leaned in to kiss his chest and let my tongue run over his nipple. My hands pushed his jeans down and he brought me back up to his lips.

  “You need to stop that, or I am going to lose it before we even get started.”

  I smiled, but brought my fingers up over his nipples. He groaned, picking me straight up as I wrapped my legs around his waist, feeling my back against the wall. He was hard against me. I closed my eyes as I pressed into him, my bra now undone. His lips traveled to my nipple pulling, sucking, and making me tremble. His tongue tasted me as he crossed to the other nipple and my hands ran through his hair delighting in this bliss.

  Holding me tight, his hand slid down the front of me. My legs still around him, his fingers moved past the lacy material, my desire for him evident in my wetness. The slightest touch from him made me shudder. His touch made me moan. His fingertips worked a climax I wasn’t sure I could take. He kept me still against the wall as our eyes met. I grabbed his shoulders clenching hard as I trembled, meeting my end. A scream left me as he continued to hold me tight.

  Sweat running down my back, he carried me to the bed. The feel of the quilted comforter was bliss as Javier lowered his dark head to my navel. His tongue slowly swirling made me shudder. His hands pulled the strings holding my panties together and they fell to the side.

  His head traveled to my slick wetness and he kissed me again. His tongue caressed me, tenderly bringing me higher until I fell apart writhing against him.

  He pulled away from me as I tried to catch my breath, realizing he was reaching for protection. “Javier, come back to me.”

  “I am, honey.”

  “No you don’t understand. You don’t need that really. It’s okay. Please.” I reached my hand out to him.

  He slowly ran his fingers up my inner thighs, arousing me again. I grabbed his boxers pushing them off as he kicked them the rest of the way off. He licked his way up my body returning to my breasts. He gently pulled on one while nipping the other. I groaned at the pleasure he continued to give me. His fingers traveled back through the soft curls between my legs, slipping into me, making me moan yet again.

  He came over me and I stroked his erection bringing him to me. He gently entered into me and I remembered it all. How he tasted, how he felt, how we felt together. I arched up against him, pulling him into me. He grabbed my hips and thrust into me harder this time.

  I screamed out in sheer desire as he plunged deeper. My hands clenched the bedding as we rhythmically pulsed against each other. Complete pleasure as the heat between us exploded. I couldn’t take any more as I shuddered beneath him in complete ecstasy. He thrust into me one more time before I felt him let go, my inner muscles clenching around him.

  Javier laid his head in the crook of my neck. My hands ran up and down his back slick with sweat. Tears spilled from my eyes.

  “Darlin’, why are you crying?” He kissed my hair and my neck and wiped away my tears.

  “I missed you so much.”

  “I missed you too.” He kissed the top of my head, holding me tight.

  I don’t know how long we embraced, but the sun was going down when we pulled back the covers of the bed and crawled in together.

  “Don’t think I am even close to done.” Javier ran his tongue down my neck and across my chest. Goosebumps rose on my skin and my nipples beaded up at his touch.

  “We have many years to make up for.” His kisses trailed across my breasts. “And I intend to take them all back.”

  I laughed as he kept torturing me with his mouth, his hands, his sweet words. Our lovemaking continued. The intensity of what we felt made it clear that we needed to be together. Not just tonight but forever.

  ~ ~ ~

  When morning came, Javier rolled over and woke me up with all of the amazing little tricks he’d used on me the night before.

  As we lay entwined and breathless I said, “We really need to eat at some point.”

  “I thought that was what we were doing.”

  I stroked his jet black hair. He turned his head, still resting on my belly. I laughed, thinking about the pun in that statement. “You have a solid point, but we could lose consciousness if we aren’t careful.”

  “If you insist. Let’s get some real food.”

  We stumbled to the kitchen pulling on T-shirts and sports shorts. I was on fried egg duty while Javier dazzled me with his hash browns and bacon. Breakfast had never tasted so good.

  I got up from the table and started walking out of the kitchen.

  “Hey, where are you going?” Javier called out.

  “Time to shower.” I said over my shoulder.

  “Not without me, you’re not.” Javier scooped me up and carried me to the bathroom. He turned on the water and we stepped under the spray.

  I closed my eyes letting the warm water run down me. Javier wrapped his arms around me. His erection pressed into me and I smiled knowing I made him feel as good as he made me feel.

  He reached for the bar of soap and lathered it in his hands, running them down my back and around to the front of me. His fingers caressed as he lathered me from my chest, down across my navel and lower, through the moist curls between my legs making me feel like my knees would give out.

  He spun us around placing my hands on the tile with his hands over mine. “Don’t move, baby,” he whispered in my ear.

  I felt him in me, a pulsing rhythm, thrusting in me, making me lose all control. My breathing hard, my hands never moving from the tile. My legs felt weak as we gave into each other’s passion. My head rested on the tile, while I tried to catch my breath.

  Javier’s lips roved down my spine. “My God, I can’t get enough of you.”

  A smile spread across my face. It’d take some time to overcome being apart six years. I felt sad knowing he’d probably been with other women over the last several years just like I had been with Steven,
but I tried to push it out of my head and not let anything ruin this time together.

  The water turned cold and we both jumped. We hustled out of the shower shivering and quickly wrapped up in towels. I leaned in for another kiss.

  “Let’s watch a movie.”

  He kissed my nose before answering. “If you insist, but we’re staying naked.”

  A smile spread across my face. I wasn’t arguing with that.

  We lay on the couch enjoying being together while the television provided background noise from some random movie we popped in the DVD player.

  “What are your plans for the holidays?”

  I shrugged as I pressed my head against his chest. “The only real plans I have are for my sister’s wedding on New Year’s Eve.”

  “Your sister is getting married?”

  “Yes.”

  “What made her choose New Year’s Eve?”

  “I’ve no idea. Initially, I thought she was just being mean to me.”

  “Why would you say that?”

  “Because New Year’s was when I lost you.”

  “Actually New Year’s was a happy time. Afterwards, we were separated.”

  “True. Good point.”

  “Is she still back East?”

  “Yes. With my mom.”

  “Where’s your dad?”

  “He’s there too, but I told Dawn I wouldn’t be in her wedding if he attended. Thankfully, she decided to remove him from the festivities for his evil behavior.” We were silent for a few minutes and then I asked, “Do you want to come with me?”

  “I’d love to, but you should probably spend that time with your family without me in the mix.”